Halberd
by sinemoras09
Summary: Yato helps a bro. Yato, Kazuma. One-sided Kazuma/Bishamon. Spoilers for chapters 22-39


.

.

1.

"So it's true, Lady Bishamon got corrupted!"

"He's still her exemplar, even after failing her twice?"

"I would have released that boy, given all his misdeeds."

"Tch," Yato said. Behind him, Kazuma followed, not saying anything.

"Yo Kazuma. You really gonna let them talk shit about you that way?" Yato said.

"I do not mind," Kazuma said. They walked down the corridor, other gods and shinki eyeing them as they walked passed, suspiciously. "It is true I let Veena fall to corruption. The others are not wrong. Even now she refuses to punish me," Kazuma said, and he smiled, sadly. "Veena has always been too kind of heart."

"Teme. It wasn't your fault! How many times do I gotta tell you to stop blamin' yourself? That stuff really affects us, you know?"

"I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I were to sting Veena," Kazuma said. "But the facts are facts, Yato. I failed to protect her."

They walked down the hallway, not saying anything.

Yato was new to Takamagahara, so Kazuma had taken it upon himself to show him around. Yukine was supposed to come with them, but Bishamon's other shinki started bombarding him with questions - how did he evolve? And how come he evolved for a crappy guy like _him_? - and Yato felt a swell of pride. After everything they've been through, his kid deserved to be praised and fawned over.

"So this is the conference room, eh?" Yato poked his head into the darkened room, staring up at the dark columns that would ordinarily be illuminated with light. "Whoa! That's some special effects here, huh? But how come they just can't sit at a table?"

"The gods' colloquy is so that one may speak out without fear of exposing his identity," Kazuma said.

"Huh." Yato tapped on the glass. "These look pretty uncomfortable. Ne, Kazuma. Doesn't it, like, blind your eyes when you stand up in here? What do they use to light up the glass? Are those fluorescent light bulbs?"

"I do not know. I have never set foot within the conference room," Kazuma said.

"That crazy nympho never snuck you in?" Yato said.

"I-" Kazuma reddened. "There is no point. Bishamon-sama would never risk her godhood for something so trivial."

They walked back to Bishamon's grounds, where she was waiting at the gate.

"Are you done corrupting my shinki, Yato?" Bishamon said. She stepped forward and dropped a hand on Kazuma's shoulder, protectively.

"Ha! Little do you know, I corrupted him a long time ago!"

"Y-Yato!" Kazuma said. Bishamon yanked him back behind her and stood in front of him.

"Listen here, Yato," Bishamon said. "Just because we have an armistice doesn't mean you can drop on by whenever you please. I'm not the Binbougami. And I don't care that we are neighbors."

"Hmph. Not like I'd want to hang out with some crazy chick anyway," Yato said. Yukine trotted out from the yard, looking around him, hesitantly.

"Uh, should I go now?" Yukine said. He had been playing with Kuraha's lion form and the other kid shinki his age. Bishamon turned to him and smiled, kindly.

"You are welcome here whenever you'd like, young Yukine," Bishamon said.

"WHAT?!" Yato said. "Double standards! I call double standards!"

"QUIET!" Bishamon said, and behind her Yukine and Kazuma flinched. She sighed, then pushed back a strand of hair. "Just because he is saddled with a miserable master, doesn't mean he has to be punished for it."

"Tch. I could say the same thing about Kazuma," Yato said.

"Ugh," Bishamon said, and she turned.

"Just keep the noise down! And don't dig so loud at night, there are some of us who'd rather be sleeping!"

"Yeah! Then get your beauty rest, you psycho bitch! You need all the sleep that you can get!"

Kazuma and Yukine grabbed their masters and pulled them away before another fight could erupt out in the courtyard.

xXx

.

The digging Bishamon was referring to was Yato's attempts to build an underground palace, one that would expand beyond the shitty confines of the tiny-ass plot of land the heavens gave him. "It's barely the size of Kofuku's bathroom," Yukine said. He and Yato were digging, slowly. "And how're we gonna build an underground palace, anyway? Isn't the ground below them technically Bishamon's, too?"

"That's why we'll have to get Kazuma," Yato said. He shoveled, throwing back another pile of dirt. "With that ability of his, he can probably help us plan something a little more stable."

"You sure he'll help?" Yukine said.

"'Course he would! Kazuma's my bro. We've been looking out for each other since a long time ago!"

Yato stuck his shovel into the ground, wiping his hands against his pants. "He always helped me out, getting me food, sending me prayers. And he kept me hidden from that crazy nympho of his. Without him, I would've been dead a long time ago."

xXx

.

"I don't think so," Kazuma said. Yato slapped his hands on the table.

"What! Why?"

"I don't think Veena would approve of you digging beneath her house."

"I could dig a hole so you could peep on her," Yato said. Kazuma spit out his drink.

"HUH?!" Yukine said. "You shitty bastard! You're gonna have him peep on his master?!"

"You're right, she always walks around naked anyway," Yato said.

" _How do you even know that_?" Yukine said. Kazuma stood.

"As tempting as the idea is," Kazuma said, ("Seriously?" Yukine said.) "I cannot in good conscience allow you to disturb our grounds. The foundations may become too unstable."

"Hm, you're right," Yato said, and he leaned backwards, crossing his arms. "But how can I get the heavens to give me a bigger plot?"

"The land you're given is in direct proportion to all your good deeds." Kazuma stroked his chin, thoughtfully. "If indeed your aim is to become a god of fortune, then the size of your land should increase soon enough."

xXx

.

"You've got to be kidding me," Bishamon said.

She was looking out her window. What should be the quiet horizon of lush, undisturbed pasture, has been marred by a giant YATO statue staring straight back at her.

"Oh, you like it?" Yato said. He was holding a chisel and hammer and grinning up at her, cheerfully. "Didn't you know, Bishamon? I'm a certified artist! And this plot of land is the exact right size for a pedestal!"

Bishamon gritted her teeth and shook in silent anger.

"Ne, Kazuma-kun~?" Yato said. "Don't you like my statue?"

"You're just doing this to piss her off, aren't you?" Yukine said. Yato skipped forward, smiling broadly.

"Kofuku doesn't have enough room at her place for a proper artists' studio! And since I can't sleep here anyway I thought I could put this land to good use!"

"So what you're saying is, this is only temporary, right?" Bishamon frowned at the statue, which seemed to wink at her, suggestively.

"Ha ha! Hell no! It's not like Kofuku has room for this kind of thing! The statue's staying here!" Yato said. Yukine groaned and Bishamon's temple throbbed.

"Hey, Kazuma," Yato said, and he put his hands behind his back, shifting coyly. "I have something for you too. For always helping me out all those years."

Kazuma blinked. "Yato...?"

Yato threw his hands out, showing Kazuma the miniature VEENA statue he had carved the night before.

"See? It's the stupid nympho in that grotto she always bathes in! You can even put it in your room if you want to!" Yato said.

They looked at Yato's statue. He had carved Bishamon arching naked on top of a rock, one hand resting suggestively between her legs and tendrils of hair covering all the important places. Her head was tipped back and her mouth was open in perfect ecstasy.

Kazuma's glasses fogged up. He started shaking, visibly.

"Kazuma!" Bishamon said.

"Sorry," Kazuma said. He pushed up his glasses, frowning. "If it pleases you, Veena. May I...may I keep this?"

"Tell me you are joking," Bishamon says.

"I-" Kazuma shook.

"Please destroy this, Yato!" Kazuma said. He threw himself on the ground, bowing his head and holding the statue toward Yato. "There is no one worthy enough to look upon such beauty!" Bishamon huffed, annoyed.

"Fine, _fine_ , just...put it somewhere I can't see it!" Bishamon said.

Tears pricked the corner of Kazuma's eyes. He lifted his head, reverently. "Veena..."

Bishamon grabbed Kazuma by the arm and yanked him back toward the courtyard.

"Don't worry, Kazuma-kun!" Yato called after him. "Now that we're all neighbors I can make _tons_ of pervy stuff for you!"

"Don't even think about it!" Bishamon said.

And Kazuma poked his head up behind Bishamon's shoulder, before she growled and shoved him through the door.

xXx

.

2.

It was pretty damn obvious that Kazuma was in love with Bishamon. Actually, pretty much everyone but that lame-o psycho knew it.

"You should just tell her," Yato said. He was lying on his plot of land again, his hands behind his back and looking up at the sky. After much bellyaching from said stupid bitch, he was forced to use Sekki to dismantle his beloved statue, chopping up the marble figure into powdered smithereens. Bishamon had sent Kazuma there to oversee him. "There's no reason why a god and a shinki can't be together. Look at Kofuku and Daikoku," Yato said.

"I wouldn't dare presume," Kazuma said. He squatted on his haunches, picking up a piece of rock that used to be part of Yato's statue. "She is a goddess whom I only wish to serve faithfully. I am happy just being by her side."

And Yato got an image in his head, of Kazuma grinning stupidly in the glow of Bishamon's stupid godhood, picking up whatever crumbs of affection she threw his way and hugging them in his arms. (Hearts would be there, Yato decided. Lots of stupid small red hearts.)

"You must think me pretty pathetic, huh, Yatogami?" It was rare that Kazuma called him that; he looked out into the sunset at the horizon, a slight breeze stirring through his hair.

"Huh?!" Yato sat back up. "Oi, Kazuma! You know I don't like it when you use that stupid ability of yours! It's _creepy_. Knock it off!"

"Heh. I didn't do much. I could read it plainly from the expression on your face."

"Tch." Yato put his arms behind his head and laid back down.

xXx

.

Kazuma had been in love with Bishamon as long as Yato could remember. Even the first day they met, when Kazuma threw himself at Yato's feet and begged for them to help him, Yato could sense that what Kazuma felt was more than a shinki's standard loyalty.

The day after the massacre, Yato found Kazuma once again standing outside Yato's makeshift lean-to. "Yatogami-sama," Kazuma said, and he bowed. Yato held his hand up, frowning.

"Don't call me that.'Yato' is just fine. Where's your master?" Yato said. Kazuma frowned, hugging his arms.

"She is unwell," Kazuma said, softly. "She will not leave her room and I cannot coax her to eat. I fear my presence alone cannot soothe her."

Quietly, Kazuma untucked a small parcel from under his arm.

"If it pleases you," Kazuma said, and Yato took the parcel from him, unwrapping it to reveal freshly made rice balls, still sticky and warm from the kitchen. "I know it is not much, but I wanted to make an offering. I still intend on repaying my debts."

Yato stared. The rice balls were warm and he could see the steam from the heat curling from them.

He shoveled them in his mouth, eating quickly.

Kazuma blinked, shocked and somewhat taken aback. "Yatogami...sama?"

"Oi." Yato talked with a mouth full of food. "I told ya not to call me that."

"Forgive me, Yatogami-ah. Yato. Do the rice balls please you?"

"'Is good." Yato munched. A piece of rice stuck to the side of his mouth. "Gimme more of these from now on."

Kazuma smiled. He bowed, deeply and politely.

"I humbly thank you again, my lord Yato," Kazuma said. "Words alone cannot express my gratitude."

"Oi, oi," Yato said, straightening. "Just gimme more of those rice balls, I told ya already, it wasn't that big a deal."

Kazuma kept true to his word. Every few days, he would come bearing another offering: a roasted fish. Slices of oranges or other freshly cut fruit. Hiiro's frown would deepen whenever Kazuma showed up, always on his knees, and always keeping his eyes trained deferentially on the ground.

"How unsightly," Hiiro said, once. Kazuma lifted his eyes and she walked up toward him, kicking a puff of snow into his face. "What makes you think Yato wants your paltry offerings? That is not enough to repay your debt."

"F-forgive me, esteemed shinki of Yato." Kazuma bowed again. "I know I am unworthy to be in the Yatogami's presence."

"Oi, Hiiro," Yato said, and Hiiro turned. Yato's eyes narrowed. "Knock it off."

Hiiro bristled, silently.

"Pathetic," Hiiro said, as Yato watched Kazuma walk down along the road. "Can we not kill him, Yato? He is too weak and foolish to live."

"We only kill when we're asked to. Or do I have to remind you?" Yato said.

The sky was dark when Yato made his way to the ruins of Bishamonten's manor. Leaping onto the rooftops, he landed silently among the shadows before peering into the window.

Bishamonten was still lying on the pallet, lying on her side with her long hair falling over her face. At the foot of the pallet, Kazuma was sitting in the candlelight and quietly dipping a washcloth into a basin of water. Yato watched silently as Kazuma leaned over to gently daub at Bishamonten's forehead. She turned and he quietly began to comb through her hair with his fingers, diligently untangling the long strands and following the motion with the cloth in his other hand.

"You love her," Yato said, when Kazuma came out to see him again. Kazuma's eyes widened a fraction. Then he swallowed, lowering his eyes and staring at the ground.

(Years later, Yato would watch as Kazuma would give counsel to Bishamon. She would lean close and their hands would brush, and Yato would see that telltale hesitation, the slightest dusting of pink that would creep up on Kazuma's cheeks.

But again, the stupid cow wouldn't notice, and Kazuma would just go on with his report.)

xXx

.

Years passed. Yato switched from shinki to shinki, eventually abandoning Hiiro into a Nora and putting on a different hat. Yato the god of calamity became Yato the war god, and the only constant during those times were all the little gifts and small offerings, tokens of Kazuma's appreciation.

"I wouldn't stay here too long," Kazuma said. It was the eighties, then, and while Kazuma still looked pretty much the same in a black suit and tie, Yato had taken to wearing short shorts and tying his hair back in a scrappy bandana. "Veena is on the hunt. She's searching for you nearby."

"Nevermind that, Kazuma, what have you got for me?"

"Oh, this?" Kazuma said. He picked up the small parcel and handed it to him. "It is a pocket knife I recently purchased. I know you don't have a shinki now-" and Yato bristled, "-but in the meantime hopefully this may help."

"Thanks," Yato said. He slipped the knife into his pocket. "Yo, Kazuma. You ever think about becoming a Nora?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Kazuma frowned at him, his glasses slipping over the bridge of his nose. "Veena is the only master I wish to serve. But why do you ask?" Kazuma said.

"No reason," Yato said. "But I was just thinking...if that psycho woman ever releases you, you should come find me. I think you'd do well as Kazune."

"I would hate to think of a time when Veena would release me," Kazuma said.

"She might if she catches you," Yato said. "Look, I'm grateful to you helpin' me and all. But you gotta start thinking about yourself! If what you're saying is true, then your master might see us talking together. And lemme tell you, if she does you're screwed."

"I beg to differ," Kazuma said, and he smiled, widely.

"If Veena sees us together, I will simply tell her that I apprehended you."

"Oi! What the hell, Kazuma?! You'd throw your savior under the bus?!" Yato said.

"Of course not." Kazuma sighed. "If Veena were to catch us, I would gladly accept my punishment. Even if she excommunicates me," Kazuma said. "Even if it meant my death."

"Pfft, that's stupid. If you're gonna kill yourself you might as well come find me. C'mon, _Kazune_ ," Yato grinned at him. "Wanna bet you'd be my earring?"

"I shudder to think it," Kazuma said, but his mouth quirked into a smile.

xXx

.

3.

The problem with Yato being next door was, his mere presence was starting to degrade Bishamon's property values.

"The hell is he doing now?" Bishamon said. She pushed back the curtains and frowned as Yato was blowing up an inflatable pool. Her frown deepened as she saw Yukine dragging a hose from her garden, holding it steady as Yato went around and started draining the holy waters from her grotto.

"Er, well it is customary for a god to have access to his own personal spring," Kazuma said. Bishamon shot him a glare.

"Oi, Yato. The hell are you doing, now?" Yukine said. He walked up behind Yato, who was sneaking around Bishamon's hot spring. Yato motioned for him to be quiet and ducked behind the rocks of the grotto.

"Field work, Yukine. Tooya's number one fan requested another Bishamonten doujin!"

"You shitty jersey, the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means we get up close and personal and draw some life sketches for accuracy. It's a good thing we're neighbors. I never got to see her so close before." Yato pulled out his sketchbook. From behind the rocks, he and Yukine could see Bishamon dipping her feet into the water.

"Who keeps asking you for this stuff, anyway?" Yukine said. He flipped through the sketches - a few random poses here and there, a point-of-view shot of some anonymous man penetrating her, a close-up of her face, rough slanted lines scribbled across her cheeks, showing her pleasure.

"I don't know, Yukine. But it's someone who probably knows Bishamon. Probably some pervy god who wants to get his hands on her, literally."

"Ew," Yukine said. They ducked behind a bush.

"Don't say 'ew,' Yukine! This is an easy five yen we're talking! All I gotta do is throw together a few sketches and stitch together some threadbare plot, and _voilà_! Five yen, in the bank! Oh crap, there's Kazuma," Yato said, and they ducked further.

Kazuma was talking to Bishamon. Slowly, Bishamon rose, and Kazuma stood behind her, silently taking off her robe.

"What the-" Yukine's eyes bugged out. "Yato! Why's Kazuma-san undressing her?!"

"Because he's her exemplar," Yato said. He chewed on his pencil. Bishamon slipped into the water, apparently not caring that Kazuma was still standing at the bank, folding up her robe. "That crazy bitch doesn't think of him as a man, Yukine. He's just another servant. It pisses me off."

"What was that?" Bishamon's voice carried over the grotto.

"Crap! She can hear us!" Yukine said.

"Yukine! Get down, get down!"

Footsteps fell heavily over the bush, and a large shadow fell over the both of them.

"Yato," Kazuma said. "Yukine-kun."

"Uh," Yato said. "This isn't what it looks like."

"Kazuma?" Bishamon said. She was getting out of the water.

"Hide me!" Yato said to Kazuma. "Protect me like you always do!"

"The Yatogami and his shinki are hiding behind the grotto," Kazuma said. Yato groaned.

"Oh?" Bishamon stood up, stark naked and pieces of wet hair clinging to her body. "Is there something you want, Yato?"

"Why are you naked?!" Yato said.

"I was bathing," Bishamon said. She stared at him, matter-of-factly. "Or are you too stupid to realize that?"

"Kazuma-san, you're so lucky," Yukine said to Kazuma. Yato gaped and stared.

xXx

.

"You...get to see her naked?" Daikoku said.

They were sitting around Kofuku's coffee table, Daikoku frowning and stir-frying vegetables while Kofuku puttered around with a watering can. They all stared at Kazuma, who was sitting on his hands and shifting, uncomfortably.

"I do," Kazuma said. He glanced uneasily at Yukine and Yato. "Is that so unusual?"

"Hell yeah that's unusual! Normal shinki don't see their masters nude!"

"But my Daikoku sees me naked all the time~~" Kofuku sang. Behind her, Daikoku nearly dropped his spatula.

"I help Veena with her ritual bath from time to time. I do not see why that's so odd."

"It's because Kazu-chan is in love with Bisha!" Kofuku said.

"I-" Kazuma's ears turned red. "That has nothing to do with my duties as a shinki," Kazuma said.

"I bet Kazu-chan _loves_ doing his duties!" Kofuku said. "Lathering her up all nice and wet-"

" _Kofuku!_ " Daikoku said.

"What were you doing there, anyway?" Kazuma said. Yato pulled out his sketchbook.

"One of Tooya's benefactors asked for a few Bishamonten sketches," Yato said, and he showed him. "He requested more point-of-view shots. I was just doing a few life drawings for warm up."

Kazuma flipped the sketchbook open to a page: a point-of-view shot of Bishamon being penetrated, her legs wide open and speed lines drawn roughly where the anonymous man was thrusting.

Kazuma spat out his drink and started coughing violently.

"Kazu-chan! Your nose is bleeding!"

"Tooya-sensei is a brilliant artist," Kazuma said, weakly. "W-when will this be finished, Tooy-Yato?"

"Not for a few weeks, I gotta think of a story, first."

"There doesn't need to be a story! I'm sure whoever commissioned this will be just as happy with those sketches! May I make a few photocopies of them, first?"

"Agh, you pervy hafuri, give 'em back!" Yato said, and he snatched his sketchbook away. "I don't get why you're freaking out so much, anyway. These are just drawings, didn't you just say you help her bathe?"

"That is different." Kazuma smiled. "I wouldn't dare look at the real Veena that way. A 2D drawing makes it a little more removed."

("How sad," Kofuku said, as Kazuma waved and walked back to Bishamonten's shrine. "Kazu-chan loves Bisha so much. Don't you think he gets lonely?"

"I doubt it," Daikoku said. "Guys like that are just happy bein' near them."

And Kofuku hugged Daikoku, resting her head against his shoulder.)

xXx

.

4.

The other gods were talking shit about him again. "I cannot believe he's her exemplar," they were saying. They stared at Kazuma suspiciously. "If he were mine, I would have released him ages ago. It is ridiculous! Hafuri or not, she should let him go."

"She obviously is too attached," another god said. "Didn't you know? She hoards shinki like humans hoard trash."

"Oi," Yato said, and the other gods turned. "You assholes are makin' my ears bleed. Can't you guys just shut up once in awhile?"

"Yato," Kazuma said. Yato ignored him and stared at the other gods, pointedly.

"Oh? And who are you? Are you Bishamonten's keeper?"

"I'm the reason why this guy's a hafuri," Yato said.

"Yato this is unnecessary," Kazuma said, in a low voice. "We are in the middle of Takamagahara. Please do not pick a fight here."

Yato threw his arm around Kazuma, bringing him down into a headlock.

"Listen here, this kid's a good egg! You're all just jealous 'cuz none of you have a shinki this good!"

"Y-Yato-"

"And yeah, the crazy chick's got a few screws loose, but she's way more powerful than any of you!"

"What is going on?" Bishamon said, and Yato and the other gods turned.

xXx

.

"I appreciate you trying to help, but I don't need you to rescue me," Bishamon said. "I've already been rescued enough."

Yato and Kazuma were sitting in her living room, hands on their knees and staring at the floor, contritely.

"Oi, Bishamon. Those other gods keep talkin' shit about Kazuma. You really gonna let them get away with that?"

"Kazuma, is this true?" Bishamon looked at Kazuma, worried.

"I do not mind," Kazuma said. He smiled, shyly. "You have faith in me, despite everything that's happened. That alone is enough to bolster me."

"You know he's stupid in love with you, right?" Yato said.

"Yato!" Kazuma said. Bishamon rolled her eyes.

"My shinki are all good children, Yato. Kazuma is no exception."

"Oh boy," Yato said to Kazuma. "She thinks of you as her _child_."

Kazuma moaned and hid his head in his hands.

xXx

.

A few weeks later, Tooya-sensei's newest doujinshi came in the mail.

Alone in his room, with only light of the desklamp at his bedside, Kazuma opened the small package and started flipping through the pages. Yato had really outdone himself: the faceless protagonist was devoted and loyal, and his love for the goddess was quiet and sincere. Artwork aside, the story Yato wrote was beautiful.

Kazuma shut off the light. In the darkness, he could just barely make out the sound of Yato loudly talking to Yukine, who had responded promptly with a litany of curse words. Kazuma smiled. He set his glasses on the nightstand and closed his eyes.

He will have to remember to compliment Yato when he sees him in the morning.

end.


End file.
